Mind Gym
Connecting and Cutting Cords
Connect to it, feel it, forgive it, and release it from your body
Some memories, moments, and people stay attached to you. Here is how to let them go.
Some moments do not stay in the past. A coach who yelled at you in front of everyone. A game you replay every night. A friendship that ended badly. Words someone said that you still hear right before you play. You can feel them in your chest, your stomach, your shoulders. It is like an invisible cord still connects you to that moment, and every time something reminds you of it, the cord gets tugged.
What a Cord Is
A cord is the name for the attachment you still feel to a person, a memory, or an event. Teachers like Phyllis Krystal, who wrote Cutting the Ties That Bind, and Gabby Bernstein use the picture of a cord because it matches how it feels: something from back then is still pulling on you right now. Think of it as a picture for your mind, not a literal rope. The picture works because your brain and body respond to images as if they are real.
Why It Lives in Your Body
When something hurts you, your body remembers it, not just your mind. That is why one comment, one smell, or one field can bring the whole feeling rushing back. Your nervous system stored it as a warning: this was not safe. Until you go back, feel it, and tell your body it is over, it keeps sounding the alarm.
Connect Before You Cut
You cannot let go of something you refuse to look at. Pushing it down is not releasing it. That is why this practice starts with connecting: you go back to the memory on purpose, from a calm and safe place, and you let yourself feel it. Then you release it. Jim Curtis teaches this kind of change in three steps, release, align, and become: you let go of the old story so there is room for who you are becoming.
Forgiveness Is for You
Forgiveness does not mean what happened was okay. It does not mean you have to be friends with the person, trust them again, or let them back in. Forgiveness means you stop carrying it. Everett Worthington, who built one of the most studied forgiveness programs in the world, describes it as replacing resentment with something warmer, for your own freedom. And sometimes the person you most need to forgive is you.
Not Every Cord Gets Cut
Some cords are love: your family, your best friends, your teammates, the people who believe in you. You do not cut those. You make them stronger. Cutting is only for what drains you, keeps you stuck, or makes you feel small.
The Practice
Connect and Cut
Find a quiet place and give yourself about 10 minutes.
- 1
Settle
Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose for 4, out slowly for 6 to 8. Do this five times, until your body feels calm.
- 2
Connect
Bring up the memory, the moment, or the person. See where you were and what happened. Only go as far as feels okay.
- 3
Feel it
Notice where it lives in your body: chest, stomach, throat, shoulders. Put a hand there. Name the feeling: hurt, anger, embarrassment, fear.
- 4
See the cord
Picture a cord running from that spot in your body to the person or the moment. Notice its color and how thick it is.
- 5
Forgive
Silently or out loud: I see what happened. It hurt. I forgive you, and I forgive myself. Not there yet? Say: I am willing to forgive. Willing is enough.
- 6
Cut
Picture the cord being cut: with scissors, a beam of golden light, or your own hand. Watch it fall away and dissolve.
- 7
Fill the space
Breathe warmth, light, or your favorite color into the spot where the cord was. Say: I am free. I am whole. I am safe.
- 8
Shake it off
Open your eyes, stand up, and shake out your hands, arms, legs, and whole body for 30 seconds.
Some cords take more than one cut. That is normal. Every time, it gets lighter.
The Science
Forgiveness is one of the most researched topics in positive psychology. In a large 2023 trial across five countries, people who completed Everett Worthington's REACH forgiveness workbook, about two to three hours of self guided work, reported more forgiveness, less depression and anxiety, and more hope than people who were still waiting to get it. Fred Luskin's Stanford Forgiveness Project found that people who learned to forgive reported less hurt, anger, and stress. Writing about painful experiences, studied for decades by James Pennebaker, is also linked to better mood and health. The cord itself is a picture for your mind, not something scientists can measure, but guided imagery is a well established way to calm the body and change how a memory feels.
The Practice
Forgiveness does not change the past. It changes how much of the past you carry.
Pick one small cord to start, not the biggest one: a comment, a bad game, a small hurt. Do the practice once, then write one line: what I am letting go of, and what I am making room for.
Write It Out
Connect and release
- 01
What memory, moment, or person still tugs on you?
- 02
Where do you feel it in your body?
- 03
What would you say to them, or to yourself, if you knew it was safe?
- 04
What does forgiveness mean to you here? (It does not mean it was okay.)
- 05
What are you making room for now that you are letting this go?
- 06
Which cords are love, the ones you want to make stronger?
Your rep
Now put it into practice.
Write it out. Answers save to your private Mind Gym journal.