How My Parents Raised an Athlete

Let me tell you how my own parents did this, because it shaped everything. My parents were hands off. They had five other kids and two full-time jobs, working to provide for us, and they could not make it to all my games or awards. Soccer was always my thing. It was mine, my learning lesson, my responsibility, and a privilege to play.

Here is what they did that mattered more than showing up to everything. When I came home upset about playing time, or going through something hard, or even after a success, they just let me feel my emotions. They were a safe space. They did not let me blame my coach or an outside circumstance, they always gave me something to reflect on instead. My training was my responsibility, and playing was a privilege, and they were right about both.

At the end of the day, my parents showed me love without my jersey on. That is what let me love the game even more, because the game was separate from my worth. I could have a terrible game, whiff a shot into an open net, and still know they were not going to berate me or coach me in the car. They let me come to them. When I asked for help, when I showed them I wanted it and needed it, they went all in. When I did not, they let me be.

So here is the lesson I would give you from their example. If you find yourself giving the same advice over and over, your kid probably is not listening, and that is okay, no one likes being told what to do. But if they ask, go, give them everything. Create a space where your kid can walk in feeling like their absolute worst and walk out with one thing they can do to grow, and a whole lot of love. Stop trying to fix all of their problems, and stop trying to coddle them from failure. Let them struggle, stay close, and love them exactly the same either way.